The Blessingway

Baby showers seem to have their place. New parents or parents with long lapses between children need certain items to better care for their baby. Friends and family usually appreciate the opportunity to purchase and give gifts for the baby in effort to help out. However, in the midst of the shower planning and gift purchasing, are we missing something?

There are obviously much deeper things happening during this time that many people seem to overlook. The baby shower tends to take a turn towards superficial materialism and away from the spiritual reality of what’s truly going on. A baby is about to enter our physical realm, via the vessel of a woman who is about to transform into a mother—a role that requires more dedication, patience, and self-reflection than anyone can imagine.

The baby shower focuses on cute clothes, toys, car seats, and basic necessities like diapers, washcloths and baby lotion. It’s about stuff. The mother, usually at the end of her pregnancy, uncomfortably sits and opens loads of gifts after a filling meal that probably gave her heartburn, and then gets cramps in her face cheeks from smiling and saying thank you.

What if there was something different? Something that focuses on the mother, on the journey that she is about to embark on. The lifelong commitment of becoming a mother to a precious soul that mysteriously chose her deserves a more meaningful ritual.

How about a mother Blessingway? I first heard about these when pregnant with my daughter. I was lucky to have my mom host one for each of my children. They were both special nights I will never forget.

Although there are many ways you may choose to conduct the ceremony, here are examples of some common ones.

Keeping the guest list small helps with having the night be more intimate. It gives the guests a chance to spend quality time with the mother to be. Creating an atmosphere of calm and tranquility with candlelight, soft music and maybe some herbal tea helps the mom relax. Instead of bringing gifts from a registry, guests may bring gifts that are more thoughtful and symbolic. Some gifts given to me included a journal, a beautiful plant to look at during labor, a card with words of strength from a friend, and a poem written just for me.

Activities at the Blessingway are focused on nurturing the mother and filling her with strength, courage and positive energy for the laborious task that lies ahead-giving birth. Some ideas include soaking her feet in herbal water before massaging them, creating a floral headband, creating a labor necklace out of beads brought by each guest (to be worn when labor begins as a symbol of the strength and love that was shared with her), and sharing stories or memories of the mother that will remind her how special she is to the attending family and friends.

The Blessingway is about honoring the mother and the beautiful yet difficult transformation she is about to make into motherhood. Whether it’s a woman’s first pregnancy or her fifth, each birth is a transformation.

Choice in Childbirth=Empowerment

Unfortunately, the topic of giving birth seems to be a very sensitive one. Often times I feel as though I’m walking on eggshells when discussing issues of labor and birth with women. A great divide exists in regards to philosophy of birth among caregivers, like obstetricians and midwives. In general, there is the medical model of birth and the midwifery model. How nice it would be if each “side” could always meet halfway and explore the others view with an open mind.

This splitting of views among caregivers in turn affects the women they care for. The “other” view (whatever that may be) is often portrayed as the “wrong” view, so birthing women, whether they agree with their caregiver or not, are often made to feel they have to defend the way they gave birth to avoid feeling out of control. Match a woman in that position with a woman who feels like she had total control of her birth experience, and what may be subtly perceived as a catfight may ensue. Worse, a woman may end up feeling hurt, confused, and regretful of certain aspects of her birth experience. This may lead to negative views towards labor and birth, in turn passing those views on to other women anticipating birth and to future generations of childbearing women.

Even if we each feel strongly in our beliefs of a certain birth philosophy, such as natural birth vs. medicated birth, or homebirth vs. hospital birth, it would be beneficial for us all to consider the possible benefits to each choice. What is good for one woman may be not be good for another. It is important to have choices in childbirth, and even more important to allow women to choose for themselves. “If you don’t know your options, you don’t have any,” is a quote I’m fond of. Of course, being educated in the risks and benefits of those choices is imperative. It would be ideal if the chosen caregiver honestly gave facts from all angles and from a variety of research to their patients.

Birthing women have power. They are consumers shopping for good prenatal care, for good labor support, and for good postpartum care. It’s time for more birthing women to embrace that power and demand more, demand better. Better in the sense of respect for their bodies, respect for their instincts, respect for the natural process of birth. Unless they expect better, these women will only receive what was given before.

Ask questions. Read a lot of books, a variety of books. Watch birth videos of both natural birth and medicated hospital birth. Interview caregivers. See who fits your needs best. Research everything. Question everything. It is okay to be strong. Pregnancy is not the time to sit back and allow others to make choices for you. If there is a time in life when you need to step up to the plate, this is it. Be brave, be bold, and be dedicated. Dedicate your passion to creating the best possible environment for your labor and birth. This is where motherhood begins.